Leave old baggage behind

Yet another weekend passed. Friday I took the time to visit some friends outside of Munich to catch up, have BBQ and self-made booze in their garden. Talked deep into the night, just the way I like it. Saturday I got punished for forgetting that it was holiday start in Bavaria and that holidays ended in some northern regions. The 70km drive took 2 hours. AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!
However, Saturday was spent with a shopping marathon, Sushi at Sushi&Soul in the evening followed by barhopping. Veeeeery nice.
Today I've been a good girl and started working off the list Ela and I made during breakfast. I booked train tickets for my drive back from Gelsenkirchen (YES, ME TAKING THE TRAIN! ...but only this one time!!!). Additionally I started packing - already managed to reduce 6 boxes to 3 by throwing loads of stuff away. Having carried most of it around several times during the last few years, makes me wonder why I didn't do that before.
Tomorrow is my last day in hell. Therefore, to keep the Christian pattern, I'll gather 17 of my disciples and conclude the day by watching Life of Brian open air dedicating myself to spirits ;-)

I'm getting old...

...I have no other explanation for realizing that technology is passing me by!
And... you have no idea what I'm talking about, right? So let me explain: I'm beyond bored with the layout of my blog. So I thought I should change it. I surfed the net for nice templates but quickly had to face the fact that, following the true nature and purpose of templates, they totally lack uniqueness!
I have a clear vision how I'd like everything to look, I can photoshop the frames and thereby create the images I need, but WHY THE F***ING HELL am I not able to create a page??? Every bloody geek can do that, so why can't I???
Well, I know how tho use a WYSIWYG-editor like frontpage, but since I don't know the requirements for a blog layout, how to index and stuff, that bit of knowledge doesn't help, does it. So what to do now? I'm helpless, clueless and it bugs me that I seem unable to get that apparently simple task done.
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might find a way or I might get bored and find another pointless task to distract myself. Because this is what it's all about! Distracting myself from starting to work on my to-do list of things I have to get done before I leave this place... personal claim management, taxes, packing, etc. All important, all pressing, all... utterly boring. So I simply follow my oh-so-beloved compensation pattern of doing pointless stuff to kill time until the last minute, when I can't get around it anymore. I always do that, despite knowing it's wrong and that I'll hate myself for not getting 'round earlier, but in the end it always works out, so why change? ;-)

Favorites

This weekend was filled with them!
Friday I spent a very relaxed evening at my favorite Italian place which serves the best pizza in town... at least in that's what I think.
Saturday night I was out with some of my favorite people ending up in my favorite boozing spot. Fell through the door around 5am which lead me to another favorite "activity": sleeping loooong into the day.
Sunday 2 Asperine and a shower took care of my hangover, so I could head off to see my currently favorite German band Silbermond at the open air on Königsplatz. Awesome :-)
As for tonight, another favorite is waiting: Will see Bodo Wartke, my favorite piano comedian, who I've longed to see since 2 years. Can't wait!

Being human is a complicated gig…

…at least good old Nitzsche told us so. Even though he was a nutcase in the end, he was right. There's a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and most of the time we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us.
Point is, this ain't no either-or proposition. We are facing dialectics, the good and the bad merging inside of us. But what can you do? Run? Hide? Not really! My experience is that you gotta face the darkness and stare it down, own it!

So get going, give that dark night of the soul a hug and love it to death.

Katrin vs. Police, Chapter 241

On my way to Marion’s b-day party I was determined to get wasted! Surprisingly the initial decision to go for “Weinschorle” instead of beer made that wish vanish, so I spent the night chatting and laughing instead of getting royally wasted. It was a great evening and after only 2 of those wine-water mixes I figured I could drive instead of being forced to use public transportation. Since Andre’s living near my place and Andrea & Torben were heading towards her place, which is on the way, I gave them a lift.

After making the small detour to Andrea, we were on our way again. Suddenly I saw a police car on the other side of the road and the two policemen, who parked it there (against all traffic regulations!), were waving me out. DAMN, I’M BUSTED! I had almost no alcohol, but police makes me nervous and 2 of those things can get you over 0.5 eventually. When the guy asked me for my license and registration documents, I had to dig it out of my messy trunk where my lap top bag was stored. I asked one of them to give me his torch, ‘cause it was rather dark and my bag was a mess, as usual. He looked a bit irritated, but gave it to me. They checked my documents with the crucial question already hanging in the air. Docs were fine, and then he asked the question: ‘Did you have any alcoholic beverage?’. I admitted that I had 2 Weinschorlen. ‘That’s all?’ ‘That’s all!’ The guy made a theatrical break, gave me a suspicious look and after 4 ENDLESS seconds said ’Ok, have a good drive home’
WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! THEY LET ME OFF THE HOOK!

Andre and I had some ciggies and loads of fun making up possible remarks for policemen stopping you:
‘May I see your license?’ - ‘WHAT? I gave that to you 2 months ago. If you lost it you’re in deep trouble, Mister!’
Or simply ignore the questions and, after a while, state in a baby voice: ‘My mum said I mustn’t talk to strangers’

We went on like that for a few minutes, making me laugh in tears. All of a sudden I remembered the 3rd Weinschorle and the 2 shots I had. They totally slipped my mind! Additionally my car’s technical permission expired 2 months ago. So luck was on my side this time.

Andre navigated me to his place via some shortcuts, so I wouldn’t get checked again. After dropping him off, I proceeded home… for about 1 minute. Then I saw a red light waving me out, held by a guy with a reflector vests in the familiar “Police” design. SHIT! I stopped and the guy started his standard phrases. I told him that this was my 2nd check tonight and offered my documents. He asked where I got checked and then refused to check me again but wished me a good ride home instead. I got away AGAIN!

HOLY SHIT, what a lucky girl I was!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.... (aka former "dream"-jobs revisited)

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

When I was a child of 5 I wanted to become a professor, because I figured those people knew everything. Of course I didn't have a clue what a professor actually did and that there was more than one kind, but to me that didn't matter at all. Alternatively I wanted to become a binman, or binwoman in that case, because they were allowed to stand outside on a truck while it was driving and they only had to work once a week... well, at least I thought so.
Next thing I remember is a tramway ride to school when I was in 5th grade. A boy from our neighbourhood, who was in 8th grade by then, asked me what I wanted to do after finishing school, and I answered that I wanted to be a manager. Of course I had no clue what a manager did, hence I was kinda confused when he asked me what I intended to manage. School itself didn't help finding the right job for me either. After the final exams I considered to work in advertising or to study marine biology, literature and theater sciences or economics... always had a soft spot for renaissance. Unable to make a choice, I decided to become an Industriekauffrau, because that would only take 2 years of apprenticeship and would leave all doors open.

I've been working as an Industriekauffrau ever since, even though I had second thoughts more than once, 'cause it never felt right. Back in 2002 I wanted to make a change and had serious thought about studying architecture, but it was too much hassle, so I didn't apply. After that I started to fill out applications for the Cooking Institute of America, but I never sent them. While staying in Shanghai, I applied at the University of Tübingen to study Media Science and Techniques, even flew to Germany for an interview. I got accepted but I didn't go for it.

For being unable to make an actual change I got what I deserved: I ended up in a boring job with a boss I hate (that's mutual btw) and colleagues I despise. That was the straw that broke the camel's back! I've had it with pretending that I cared about what I was doing! And this time I did it: I bit the bullet and made a change! Starting August 1st I'll become a Commercial Construction Site Manager somewhere in the world. Of course my vision of the future never included a yellow helmet and a jumpsuit, but if that's what it takes, I dig it.

Looking back, my former dream jobs have not much in common, but one thing is identical: I always wanted to be exceptionally good! The mere thought of being a star architect, a chef with Michelin stars, an ad writer with world reputation or a famous script writer used to make my eyes glow. The premise to achieve the exceptional is to love what you do, to develop a passion for it. Otherwise you'll fail. Simple as that. I lacked passion for 6 years, but now the glow in my eyes is back! I get the chance I've been longing for ever since, the chance to make a change, to become exceptionally good after all. Somehow I managed to stop myself from moving on for 6 years by going with the flow, too lazy, too afraid of giving up something I never really cared about. I have no idea why, but maybe I was waiting for the right opportunity. And here it is! This time there is no 'maybe', no turning back. For the first time in my life I didn't simply go with the flow but made a decision. I'm still afraid. Afraid that I might fail, anxiety that I will suck, that I might be entering a one way street from the wrong side with a giant truck only waiting to run me over. But I'm ready to bear the consequences. The feeling that I have right now, that excitement, the glow in my eyes, the tickling in my belly and the urge to go out there and kick ass, the feeling I was craving for ever so long, outweighs the risk by far.

I start to realize that you don't actually choose what you become. You become something and then it's up to you to find the right job that matches your abilities and potential. Until you find this, you'll keep on searching because something will feel wrong. You can tell by feeling like a pretender, weaseling your way through, afraid that someone might blow your cover that you keep up ever so attentive, never feeling the desire to exceed anybody's expectations. If you feel like this, it's time to move on!
There is a saying that there is nothing you regret more than a chance that you didn't take... and it's true. However things will develop, at least I'll never have to look back and ask myself "What if...?" ...and that feels daaaaaamn good!

Wohooo...

broke my own record by speeding down to Munich in 4:50h... not bad for mummy's Golf and 650km, mind you there were a few construction sites and some thick summer rain inbetween.

Got caught by a speed camera though :-( ...or did it flash because the distance to that RETARD, that blocked the lane INTENTIONALLY AND EVIL-MINDED!!!, was too small??? Could be both.
Mum will find out soon when she gets mail. Ah well... she was always complaining for not having an recent pic of me anyway. There you go, mum. Got a pic taken by professionals, who take that kind of pic every day.

The wheels are in motion!